Redemption Story

On my last post, I promised to start my story on the day I got born again. Here is that story.

After the birth of my son, I didn't know what was next. I decided that I would take one day at a time. If you knew me then you can attest to my don't care attitude. I never concerned my self with anything, I was for the notion that it would always sort itself out, whatever it was. I had decided if I was not to go back to school then I would stay home until my folks grew tired of me. Haha!

So when my Dad told me to and get the fee structure I was excited for two things. 1. I was going back to school and 2. I was getting my freedom back. I rejoined college in July of 2008 Alvin was now 1 year old so it was okay to leave him.

I was excited to go back to school and I was also sad that I was going to leave Alvin. But we had agreed with my parents that I would be in school from Monday to Friday and make sure that I  was home Friday.

I know you are now thinking that well she must have learnt her lesson by now so she should be a model student this time round. Well...... you thought wrong I was even worst than before I was drinking more, and getting into relationships that were offering me nothing.

I kept feeling like life had dealt me a bad hand and no matter how I played it there was no may I could come out on top. ( You know those pity parties we throw ourselves) But there was an emptiness I felt inside and it was growing deeper by the day. No amount of pleasure seemed to fill the void.

So on this particular Saturday  night on the 10th of April 2010,  with my friend Angie (Remember her?) we were planning to go out and party like we often did but this time, when we got to the school gate for some reason (Read Holy Spirit) we changed our minds and decided to go back and sleep and go to church the next day. When we got to the room we changed our minds again and decided to go out. When we got to the gate again we couldn't leave (Holy Spirit things) . This went on another 2 times until we finally decided to sleep and go to church the next day.

That Sunday morning I woke up at  6:00am, went to wake Angie up because I didn't want to be late for church. Chichie our other friend also said that she would come. We went to Citam Karen for the second service. (Imagine Angie got us late. 😃😃)

All I remember from that service was that the sermon was about Evangelism nothing else not even the pastor only that he was a He. When he was done with the sermon He made an alter call when He asked those who wanted to receive Christ to raise their hands, I didn't hesitate and immediately I did and said the repentance prayer believing in my heart and confessing with my mouth that Jesus Christ is God and that He died for me, all the emptiness I felt was filled with this overwhelming love and peace that I had never felt before and right there and then I knew that my life had changed.

After service Angie and Chichie asked me if I understood what I had just done and All I could do was smile. They gave me a few weeks and told me that I would backslide. Angie it's been 7 years now and am still in the Kingdom 😃😃😃. I should mention that she also got born again a few years later.

If you are walking this salvation journey you know that when we start we are like infants. The Bible also tells us this.

As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:
1 Peter:2:2

I craved the world, I lived, breathed, talked and ate the word. I prayed about anything and everything. I never missed a day in church, I went for Morning Devotion, lunch hour meetings, Bible study and evening service. I loved it, Still do. I wanted to understand this God that took away all my pain. I wanted to grow deeper in Him and understand him for myself.

When I prayed, God answered my prayers. Whatever I asked of Him he blessed me with.

Months after I began this journey, ( I the Lord knew that I had grown enough to start weaning me) my baby daddy started calling me, remember I have not talked to him since 2009 and we are in 2010.

It was during one of our evening services, I got an international call that I didn't know and decided to step out to answer since service was ending. When I picked I was meet by yelling and insults some I can't even put down,

"YOU ARE NOT A GOOD MOTHER"
"YOU CALL YOURSELF SOMEONE'S MOTHER"

The call dropped but I knew who I was talking to. I cried my heart out. I asked God why He would allow such things to happen to me, I thought since I had accepted Him he would make this easier.
I talked to a friend Esther; she is the first person I talked to when I got born again. She encouraged me and prayed with me

For the next few weeks I would receive such calls and texts from him until one day I decided to be bold enough and call him out.

I asked him if I was the one who had denied him a chance to be in his son's life or was it Him? I told him that I had no problem with him getting involved all he had to do was come see my parents and accept responsibility.

This was in the last weeks of July. In August He texted me and told me that He would be landing in the next six hours.
After that SMS, I didn't here from him again until two weeks later.

I had attended a prayer meeting with my Friend Eddie. As I was praying I remember asking God to sort the matter out once and for all. Minutes later, I receive a call from a strange number I stepped out to pick(I know, I know am in church am supposed to be praying) and this is how that conversation went,
Him: "Hello, I arrived and I would like to see my son"
Me: "I have already told you what I need you to do to resolve all this"
He said okay and hung up, before I could step back in church he called again and asked me what time my dad got home I told him and he said that He would go see Him the next day.

I was both thankful and nervous to know how that would go. I went back to church and continued to worship.

The next day He called to let me know that him and a mzee friend of his had visited my dad and they would be coming home that Saturday officially to talk to my dad.

Immediately after my dad called me and asked me to get home that Friday.

Unannounced

So here is a recap.....

I met a guy,
Dated, broke up,
Met up again,
Hooked up,
Got pregnant,
Kept it secret,
Parents found out,
Gave birth.

Now I feel like we are all caught up 😂😂😂.

So remember I told you that the dad had said that he was ready to take up his part, in the parenting game......

After the baby was born ,for the first few months he use to bring me soup at home and made sure that he called often to check up on us. But there was a problem, He had never told his parents that he was a father. I begged him to tell his parents and mine but he said that he was not ready for his family to find out.

I got angry got his mother's number from his phone  and texted her that I was pregnant and her son was the father. DON'T JUDGE ME. From that day I never heard from him again.

Well a few months after that a mutual friend came home to see my son and he told me that my baby daddy was leaving for greener pastures abroad. I felt so hurt but I could do nothing about it. I chose to move on.

One day as I was coming home from school (ooh sorry! When my son was 1 year my parents took me back to college. Bless the Lord for them)  a car pulled up towards me and stopped a few meters from where I was standing, when they rolled down the window I couldn't believe my eyes...

Two years! I had not seen Him for two years, his son was now walking and he could even call him by his name but he  had never seen his father and here he was.

He said Hi and asked me how our son was doing? I told him that he was now all grown up. He asked if he could come visit and I agreed.( I know, stop judging me ☺☺)

So he came home, of course he first had to be sure that my parents were not around. He had bought him so many toys and I accepted them. I hadn't known that there was an issue with what I had done until My folks came home.

They were so angry that I had accepted the gifts and I was told to return the toys and tell Him that the child had not been eating toys for the last two years, I also can't believe I shared that haha.

I felt so embarrassed I decided not  to return them so I hid them at my friends place. "I can't believe that you gave them all out Angie"

My parents gave me instructions: If He wanted to see the baby He would have to come home and acknowledge that the baby was his. I told him what my parents had said but he refused to do.

He went back to work and never communicated with me again. This was in July of 2009. I went back to school and life went back to normal.

On the 11th of April 2010 at Citam Karen during the second service I gave my life to Christ (I will start with this story on the next blog).

Parents

I'm going to be honest with you  I've been trying to continue with my story since the last post but every time I start, I just can't seem to continue so today I have decide to push through those thoughts and continue. I apologize for the delay.

A few months after that church incident,  the semester was coming to an end and the day I was dreading was fast approaching . I remember before the break we were seated under a tree we loved outside our class and Fashia a Friend made a comment.... 

"I hope when we go home you guys won't be careless and get pregnant" to date I still think she knew she just didn't want to ask me. 

 I went home in may for the holidays and I had made up my mind that unless my folks asked me I was not going to divulge any information.

I use to wear oversize clothes all the time. Funny and embarrassing part..... 

(Now since I never wanted my folks to ever find out,  I had placed a bed pan(read Kasuku tin)  in my bedroom to avoid people finding out that I pee what felt like 200 times in a night.) 

Some days after I got home, while watching TV at night my mum came to where I was and  sat. She did not even bother to beat around the Bush.. 

     "Karimi, are you expectant" ( because this people from kitambo can't just say pregnant) 

My heart sank to my stomach. I said nothing.
 
 "How many months?"
  " six"
"Does the Father know? "
   " Yes"
  " Why did you not say a thing? What was your plan? "
I went mute
All she said was, 

"Your Father will talk to you tomorrow "
I immediately felt the room shrink.

My parents normally come home from work at around 7:00pm. I made sure that food was ready by 5:00pm and the house was clean. I then sat in my bedroom until they came home.

I came out of the bedroom when I heard my name being called out. When I got to the Sitting room, my eyes meet my father's and I could read disappointment written all over His face.

"Karimi, how could you do this? Have I not raised you well?" (with my dad I learnt ever since I was a child that you never interrupted Him when He talked unless He asked you a question so this whole time I just sat quietly.) 

"Who is the Father?"

I just said that he lived in Nairobi. This was a lie, the guy was  from the neighborhood. 

Then  He said: "Your mother will take you for clinic on monday" those were his last words and I was dismissed. 

The next few days were very quiet in the Nkubitu household. I was taken to the clinic on Monday and all the tests were done. When they were testing for HIV my mom and the Matron were giving me a lecture but all I could think about was my status. When the results were out all I could do was thank God. 

I was given the next clinic for 15th of July but Alvin came on the 9th a month early. 

We stayed in Hospital for 15 days then came home. 

Now when I think about everything I can see how God was in every detail. I had never gone for any clinic for seven Months but God took care of my son in the womb.

I thank God so much that my boy is healthy.

Naked

Today I start by wishing a Happy birthday to my son. On Sunday, he turns 10. It's been 10 beautiful years. May God continue guiding and protecting you my son.

So, last week I started my story those who have read it keep asking me why I left them hanging so here we go....

He called me two days later and told me that He wanted me to meet someone. A girlfriend to one of His boys. She told me of how she had secured an abortion and how easy it would be for me since I was just a few weeks. But if we waited for another month or so it wouldn't be as easy.

So was left with a decision to make. I went back home and weighed my options and decided it would be easier to get killed by my parents than to die trying to terminate. I told him my decision and He was okay with it. 
  
I went back to college, with a big secret. One month pregnant and I had told no one except for Him and the lady but she didn't know me. Back in school I met my then boyfriend and we went on with the relationship as if nothing had changed. A few weeks later when out in a club, as we were leaving we had a falling out and I blurted out that I was pregnant.  He grabbed me by my elbow and asked me what I meant.

I told him exactly what he had heard. He asked me by whom and I told him my Ex. He left me on the streets of Nairobi. I didn't even cry, I found a club and spend the night dancing till morning then I went back to school.

The months went by and I was now four months pregnant, I had yet to tell a soul. One day my friend Lauryn realised that I had stopped hanging out with her and our other friends as much as I usually did. So she confronted me. I found the courage to tell her but I told her not to tell a soul. I later told Audrey.

One day when I was home for the weekend, I decided to go tho church. ( During this whole time, I made sure that I went home on Saturday evening and left on Sunday morning to avoid anyone noticing that I was gaining some weight 😃 )  when the service was about to end, the man of God that had come to minister paused mid sentence as he was Praying and said: 
   " As I was praying, Holy Ghost deposited a word in my spirit for someone in this congregation"

(You need to understand something first our church is not a pentecostal church, So such things don't happen often)

Immediately, my heart sank, for some reason I knew it was going to be about me.

He went on, "There is a young lady here and she is expectant, she is afraid and doesn't know what to do, (I remember telling God that if the  Pastor asked for me to stand and go infront, then He, God would have to carry me together with the sit I was on coz I wasn't budging) so I want to tell her that God is in control and He was going to take care of her" and he concluded His prayer.

I went home that day and told him all that had happened. 

THIS IS ME

I have been writing this story for the longest time. Every time I start I feel discouraged and I quit even before I start but today I choose not to listen to those voices of discouragement and just do it.

This is my story....

                " I was just eighteen, young single and sexy, having a party was the greatest thing on my mind, that's when I met him                            tall, handsome and lonely"                  this song by Wahu describes perfectly the beginning of my story.

He was tall and handsome about being lonely am not quiet sure. But he could make a girl laugh. He was charming and knew the right words to say to sweep you off your feet. I was in love, the first serious relationship after Highschool. He was waaay older than me so it felt special " throw caution to the wind and run away together kind of special" Hahaha.

We dated for six months before I joined University and our relationship started getting complicated and we took a break. When in college, I met someone else but my heart was still with this guy. So when he asked me to meet with him in town, I was the happiest girl.

We went out had fun and I went back to school. This continued for quite a while but we both were seeing other people. On this cold November morning, while my friends were going to class, I was going to meet him.

On this morning, something seemed different but I couldn't place a finger on it. I alighted at deepwest and on trying to reach him, I realised that there was no cellular service. I stood there for 10 minutes trying to decide what to do.

I remember telling God that no matter what I would see him and I was not leaving there without meeting Him. I stood there for another 10 then I saw Him coming down the stairs and I called him.

We met up and and went to the house. We had our fun and he had to leave for work and I went back to school. We spoke again in December when I called him to tell him that something was wrong. My periods were late and they never are.

He hung up and called back 2 hrs later,
"Are you sure" he asked
"Of course am sure "
" Now what do we do? "
I told him whatever he decided would be okay with me and He hung up.

When I sit down and think about it now, I realise how God was in every detail in this story. Even when I was not paying attention to His prompting. As I continue to share this story, we will see how many times God came in to try and prevent some stuff and also to reassure me on some decisions I had to make.

Let me stop there for now. I look forward to sharing more as the days go by.

Stay blessed.

Karimi.